I realize I spend more time thinking about what I want to write than actually writing or even taking notes on my ideas. Last night I had, what I thought it was, a great idea. Sadly I made a terrible mistake. I told myself “oh I like that, I’ll write it later. Right after this last episode of House of Cards”. As you can see the idea has been forgotten and now I’m left with a poor commentary of how I failed.
It was a pretty shitty night, the moon was absent (I think) and I couldn’t see downtown due to the excessive fog. I left my apartment room and went up the stairs to enjoy some addictive nicotine. The moment I opened the gate to my personal heaven a cold breeze made my testicles shiver. Right away I knew that coming up without underwear was a bad idea and I thought of going back, but the primitive man inside of me said “nay! Endure!” So I did. Outside, the city life was at its highest. Cop cars terrifying undocumented immigrants, Mexican mothers beating their children and hard working drug dealers punishing our economy with their delicious candy. Everything was as usual so I smoked and smoked again. See, the funny thing about smoking is that every cigarette is a new philosophical discussion that starts with “what the fuck am I doing with my life?”. So there i am covered in cigarette ashes (that’s another problem, the wind just loves to make my sweat pants grey) thinking about how I’m going to start running and quit smoking and be a better son and blah blah blah fuck it. I discard all the things I should probably do and think about the things I much rather wish I could do. Kick a kid in the face and see if he kicks me back or…… dies. Lately one of my favorites is having a discussion with Bill O’Reilly in which I end up feeling sad for the guy after realizing that he doesn’t believe the explosive diarrhea coming out of his mouth. It’s all about the money. (I’m sorry that was graphic).
I feel as if every thought is a different reality. It’s a luxury I wish I could have.
Truth is, I love daydreaming. It makes me giggle inside.